And who wins.... well, you will just have to read to find out!

A golden retriever is known for it's gentle personality and is considered a seemingly harmless dog... or so we thought. A few weeks ago Dave and I were taking the dogs for a walk and had traveled about 2 miles away from home. Now because we live in Arkansas we frequently have other dogs which join us in our walk beside the two that belong to us. Why you ask... well because people in Arkansas don't really believe in fences! So these fenceless dogs either greet our dogs and join us in out walk or come charging at us ready to attack us and our dogs (we prefer the first scenario). On this particular day it was a sweet Golden Retriever who decided to join us.
As we were walking, this Golden Retriever suddenly ran over to a construction site where they were building a new home. I watched as he rolled on his back and swung back and forth for a good minute. I thought it seemed slightly strange, but when he finished he ran back to finish his walk with us. When he returned, I smelled a extremely foul odor from him and noticed he was very wet. At this point, I glanced back at where he was wallowing and noticed that there was a port-a-potty right next to it. Yes, this lovely Golden Retriever was not so lovely anymore as he was covered in human feces!
Our plan of attack was to sick Sadie, our German Sherphard, after him to chase him away so he would not hang around us anymore. We got Sadie, pointed toward the Golden Retriever, and told her to go get it. Now if you have ever met Sadie, you are well aware of just how fast she is... She bolted at this dog and the Golden Retriever took off running with it's tail tucked as far between it's legs as it could get it.
What happened next is really indescribable and surly not as funny as witnessing it first hand. That Golden Retriever then suddenly took a quick turn and was headed right back in our direction (mostly toward Dave). Dave assumed he was coming toward him to seek protection and was going to stop, but he was soarly mistaken! This 80 lb. Golden Retriever plowed into my 220 lb. Husband like he had been hit by a car. His legs flew up into the air and were well above were his head was located. He landed smack down on his chest followed by a few painful screams. I knew he was hurt by the sounds he was making but I have to admit I was struggling holding back the laughs from what I had just witnessed!
To make matters worse this dog knew that Dave was hurt and that the dog was in big trouble, so what did he do... the feces covered, rank smelling dog, laid down next to my husband to make sure he was okay. In the mean time Sadie paced around Dave trying to get the other Dog away from him as Dave yelled in anger "get the dog away, get the dog away"! I am frantically trying to get this dog up and away from my husband without touching him. Finally I had success and yelled at it to go home and it quickly ran off. At this point Dave was still not moving and laying with his face and chest on the asphalt.
I then asked "do you think you broke anything?" His response was that he had sever pain protruding from his Femur. My thought was there is no way he broke his femur, it's the hardest bone to break in your body. I have to admit I was still holding back chuckles of laughter that kept coming out without thought. I asked him if he could stand up, his response, "I don't know". At this point I was thinking "great, I am 2 miles away from home and I am going to have to run back home, get the car, pick him up and take him to the ER. Luckily, after laying there for a good 5 minutes I helped him stand and he hobbled home in pain. Not to mention that as he stood up there was several large wet spots on he jeans were this feces covered dog ran into him. So as we made are very, very slow walk home we had the lovely aroma of port-a-potty remnants to remain with us.
Dave hobbled for several days following the accident and he had a large contusion about the diameter of a tennis ball on his thigh. It is still very tender to the touch. And as for me, I still break out in laughter every time I envision this 80 lb. Golden Retriever hurled my 220 lb. husband in the air like he was some kind of rag doll. I think I would have to say the Golden Retriever won and I wish I had my camera there with me so I could truly give you all an accurate visual!
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